Wednesday, 14 September 2016


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It's a fancy castle . Castles are for defense. Palaces are for going NO ONE CAN EVEN TRY TO ATTACK ME extra pointless thin towers.

So a palace is an excuse to make some ludicrous architecture with making it plausible to defend or even live comfortably in.

It's also an excuse to make a series of interconnected rooms with some unusual way of getting from one to the other, either through standard or nonstandard use of the architecture.

Okay maybe that's not a Definitive thing about Palaces but if you can imagine a palace without tall spindly towers and dainty bridges , I dunno man.

Tall spindly towers suggests being able to grappling hook between them , and dainty bridges suggests rooms broken up with open air.

Palaces also suggest extravagance, madness, waste and wealth and those are all hot-shit adventure location fuel.
"location fuel" let's ignore that

It , is of course easier to run a Palace if things are being dysfunctional , so a Gormenghast or a Miss Havisham Palace or the classic ruined and rehabited palace or it's space haunted , or it was never meant to be lived in just a vast display of wealth and then it gone and get monsters all in (like the real life Taj Mahal ).

By "easier to run" I mean as "adventure" adventure. Interacting with a palace with numerous, co-ordinated, and organised inhabitants is going to be a be a diplomatic, heist, running battle, or siege adventure. Or mostly likely an adventure that moves along that list as a farcical progression.

*the actual definition is not relevant to us right now GOOD FELLOW

Here are some palaces that have unusual traversal options , "adventure" adventure and have the architecture noteworthy somehow.

1. The Sky Gazing Palace of Marque Toad-Toad-Toad:

A palace built in an of hubris after the swamps had been drained and course of the river changed. It was not to last.  The palace sunk  but due to its rare construction it did not break apart; it tipped back  but remained intact, its facade now tiled towards the sky. The back half of the palace is underwater, the front half free of water but not of roots and trees.
  The current self declared  ruler is the Marque Toad-Toad-Toad, a giant toad dressed in the mud stained rags he's found here. He has another toad growing from his head. This toad also has a toad growing from his head. All are festooned and crowned. He is often out touring with his court  (a weird mix of swamp dwellers, lunatics, and the truly desperate)
His court is split between his pope (toad pope) , his general (toad general), his archivist (toad archivist) , and his fool (frog).  They are extremely willing to work against each other.
Other things hanging out here included duncan the alligator , a witch travelling backwards in time, a band of catfish musicians who make instruments out of human bones, and some goblins pretending to be a ghost king.

2. The Squirming Palace of the Cliff Bound Urchin King
This is giant sea urchin attached to side of a cliff. It's organs and muscles have been pushed out of the way a little to make room for rooms and passages. This was done by glass walls so on the other side of the glass you can see all the squirming.  The ruler here is a Louse . A wizard Louse. A really messed up teleport spell sent some of wizards intellect into a louse. This louse is basically a coherent wizard some of the time and the rest of the time it just sucks blood out of the walls. The most coherent thing it does is patrol the palace and demand proof of guests that they truly have been working against its enemies (the ocean and the land, must be working against both at once). The Urchin King is backed up by shellfish golems. Failure to satisfy the Louse will mean it will try and capture you and put you in cages to be lowered out over the ocean to die of exposure.

Other denizens included a foul humoured sadistic group of skua bandits, a shadow stealing octopus, anemone men (from Fire On the Velvet Horizon) , sinister elven fleshmancers, and an unemployed and child-eating dwarven circus.

3.Too Many Kings Palace

The Mouse Queen died and the will wasn't found and now all her 56 children claim ownership of the palace.  Magics by the Mouse Queen mean the children can't directly act against each other so they instead turn to make each of their sections bigger. These mice are a foot tall each but like making biiig rooms, but by their standards. So they are cramped rooms but with to scale decorations.

The mouse Queen is still here as a mummy. There's a haunted (regular sized book) , library that has the pages fold themselves up in the form of what they describe and attack people , there's ants dressed and acting like England at the height of its take over the world period.

4.Red and Boreal Palace To The Whales Grief

A big dead frozen whale being carved into a ritual palace by snow elves. Snow elves actually make themselves by carving themselves out of frozen megawhale corpse. They ritually move from the tail to the head, and don't care what happens to the rooms they leave behind themselves (each elf needs an entire room carved out to make them)

Cautiously occupying the other spaces are Mercenary Polar Bears who are starting to get on abit and are thinking about their retirement, A disgraced and scheming shaman, Ghost krill making a song craft to travel to the aurora borealis, maddened yeti (allergic to whale flesh, they keep gorging and vomiting) , drill worms, and  murderous crab philosophers (not all of them, just most of them).

5.The Scavenged and Street scattered Palace of the Gutter Knight
This is a series of interconnect houses, street bridges, barricaded off alleys , teetering trash towers , and sewer repurposement. Collectively it forms a palace. Hovel Knights and Roof Lords ritually duel over ownership as the city moves through the palace somewhat awkwardly.

Also unusually Large alley cats, Gutter dryads , Kid's Chalk Drawings of Gargoyles that work more or less like real ones, The Library of Mistakes, Brain Replacing Pigeons , an identity market , A treasure of useless trash (yet each item will insanely invaluable to one person somewhere), the embassy of the under-owls, sewer sharks and the fishers of men.

6. Earth Exiled Palace, The Horse Rotovator , Grave Thief
It's a giant skeletal horse machine that travels underground stealing graves and forgotten cities.

It's sinister purpose is to erase evidence of tragedies, massacres, disasters of terrible scale , so future people are more likely to repeat them.

It's run and loosely maintained by oily looking human-sized centipedes with baby hands and faces of tedious bureaucrats. Their eyes are dull  quartz stones which nevertheless will work unnaturally well as bribes in bureaucratic matters.

broken but possibly fixable apocalypse engines , all kinds of confused guardian undead, historic evidence , mad spirits, bound Ozymandians (Fire on the Velvet Horizon again) ,  a small gentlemens club of experimental avantguard necromancers (lively but amoral) , bored ghosts, clay men trying to come up with the perfect society (and breaking into fist fights about it) , rusting semi-living warmachines.

*let's not bother with the actual definition 

Monday, 22 August 2016

Animation Smears And Spirtual Texts

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“First, the movement which is upwards and continuous. This signifies that they are borne inflexibly towards God.....Thirdly we consider in fire the quality of clarity, or brightness; which signifies that these angels have in themselves an inextinguishable light, and that they also perfectly enlighten others”

"Surely, the disbelievers will be in the torment of hell to abide therein forever. [The torment] will not be lightened for them, and they will be plunged into destruction with deep regrets, sorrows and in despair therein. We wronged them not, but they were the wrongdoers. And they will cry: 'O Malik! Let your Lord make an end of us!' He will say: 'Surely, you shall abide forever.' Indeed we have brought the truth to you, but most of you have a hatred for the truth."

The dragon[a] stood on the shore of the sea. And I saw a beast coming out of the sea. It had ten horns and seven heads, with ten crowns on its horns, and on each head a blasphemous name. 2 The beast I saw resembled a leopard, but had feet like those of a bear and a mouth like that of a lion. The dragon gave the beast his power and his throne and great authority. 3 One of the heads of the beast seemed to have had a fatal wound, but the fatal wound had been healed. The whole world was filled with wonder and followed the beast. 4 People worshiped the dragon because he had given authority to the beast, and they also worshiped the beast and asked, “Who is like the beast? Who can wage war against it?”

"I am better than him. You created me from fire and created him from clay."

"The Messenger of Death will not touch you; in this way, you shall cross over the terrifying world-ocean, carrying others across with you."

Ezekiel, like all prophets except Moses, has beheld only a blurred reflection of the divine majesty, just as a poor mirror reflects objects only imperfectly

having solid black eyes, having a shoulder span measured in miles, and carrying hammers "so large, that if all of mankind tried at once to move them a single inch, they would fail". When they speak, tongues of fire come from their mouths. If one answers their questions incorrectly, one is beaten every day, 

 a great and mightie marques, and commeth abroad in the likenes of a woolfe, having a serpents taile, [vomiting] flames of fier; when he putteth on the shape of a man, he sheweth out dogs teeth, and a great head like to a mightie [night hawk];

or behold I am Understanding and science dwelleth in me; and the heavens oppress me. They cover and desire me with infinite appetite; for none that are earthly have embraced me, for I am shadowed with the Circle of the Stars and covered with the morning clouds. My feet are swifter than the winds, and my hands are sweeter than the morning dew. My garments are from the beginning, and my dwelling place is in myself

The locusts looked like horses prepared for battle. On their heads they wore something like crowns of gold, and their faces resembled human faces. 8 Their hair was like women’s hair, and their teeth were like lions’ teeth. 9 They had breastplates like breastplates of iron, and the sound of their wings was like the thundering of many horses and chariots rushing into battle. 10 They had tails with stingers, like scorpions, and in their tails they had power to torment people for five months
Then I saw a Lamb, looking as if it had been slain, standing at the center of the throne, encircled by the four living creatures and the elders. The Lamb had seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven spirits of God sent out into all the earth.

all images found on 

Sunday, 14 August 2016

terrible vveapon

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Sorry kids that I don't post as much as I used.
Find it harder to concentrate on writing stuff than I used to. Not sure why.
But , like, have you seen the wealth of content on other blogs these days?
You can get so so much diy d&d "weird osr" that I feel comfortable reclining reptile like into the background.


"But the jungle has now been abandoned by Zyan above. The visitors no longer come. All but four of the hanging pagodas stand empty and derelict. Each of these is occupied by one of the four remaining hanging merchants of Zyan" 

"A single strand of it, teased free and tied around the finger, wrist, or neck of a victim, ensures their compliance in all things; so long as the strand is still attached to her head, the witch can command it to sever the member around which it is tied"
"Ice lice. The size of small dogs. Mostly live on mammoths and other huge mammals. Will drain a human dry in under a minute, then crowd around the corpse trying to figure out why it doesn't have any more blood in it"
"Prototype staff members. Bodies halfway carved into dolls."

"Kalkiskordivaay, Marchioness of the Wormwood Star. Appears as a leopard with the head of a woman of no mean appearance, her red-gold hair oddly cast in the light of a crown of pale green fire."
"Ix is between death and life, her daughters dead or missing, her city a sepulchre beneath which she weeps eternal rivers of poison and forgetfulness. The rivers flow forever, into our own waters. They remind us of death and we die or go mad.
Her city and our first home, treasure trove, altar and throne of the best god, is lost to all but the dead and those unlucky enough to be invited."

"for the alzabo will have all the feelings the father had towards the child in addition to wanting to eat and make company of their memories. This is not a parroting of the sounds and mannerisms, it is perfect and sincere"
55 Giant termite mounds
56 A thousand or so easily offended frogmen in huge spawning pit
57 A pyramid of moss covered skulls
58 Duckmen guarding a pillar of unbreakable metal
"From a distance it looks like an enormous fox. From a distance it looks like an enormous crow. Close up it is obviously neither. It is a thing trying to be a couple things. Its skin is fluid and ink. When it moves it sort of...shapes itself in that direction. Stretching and blurring"

As I just went through these to quickly find an example of the magic there I found pages and pages of content I haven't had time to read let only digest and shit I'm sorry guys I hope your writing brings you joy as now all our attention is stretched so thin that you don't get the accolades you deserve.

(I will keep mentioning other blogs that I've stumbled on or forgotten to mention in future posts)

(I mean yeah there's that blogs I follow thing on the side here but I can barely remember how to follow a blog in blogger and it's glitchy as shit anyhow)

he-man screen cap

plus the ones I'm just making real sure you know about but would be real surprised if you didn't

Arnold Böcklin
stealing this straight outta Displacer Klaus's bag here:


1. Gravity Lances:
Gravity as in severe , gravity as in an exorable force , these lances are very long and stretch through time and space and are made of moments.
The knights begin their charge towards each other , each part of their lance a specific moment in time and space (the king lives, the kings dies, a mountain is formed, a child is lost , a city burns) and the final impact is resolved at the same time as each of the individual moments, the lances themselves like horrible fractal quicksilver nightmare mirrors, the knights; like a black sun eating the sky  like a buzzing fly instead your eyeball.

2. Shark tooth house:
A dolls house of teeth , thrown at someone it, it swallows them, cutting deeper and deeper the longer they take to find their way out.

3. Land Mine:
Like those dirtballs in Tank games, this gross looking tree cone (as Casuarina or Banksia but moving slowly like dying baby birds) spews out dank soil when impacted, filling and probably entombing a 2 metre cube .

4.Final Word Knife: 
If you stab someone with this knife, (appearing like Cinquedea sharpened down to a sliver) , it will kill them. Not necessary then , but eventually, no matter how later, no matter what seeming other cause, the death will always be claimed to you via this knife , in every book and cosmic writ.

5. Murder Tree:
Like a 2.5 metre dead tree if trees claimed brittle metal as their substance and not wood. It blurs and twists but never quite when you look at it, always like it was just before you looked. Like noticing raindrops or ants moving in grass.
It's heavy but the weight is carried by Wisdom not Strength. It will crush, impale, flay and tear. Then  carry parts lamenting and twitching off  your defeated enemies.
These trophies will only cease when rotted to bone.
Until then, they remain continually unreachable in the razor thickets , like Tantalus grapes.
These were first brought to earth by angels and can be still found used by them.
photograph by Toni Frissell, for more info click this

Friday, 15 July 2016

Laughter In The Woods

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Kiel wanted this:
A list of weird and decadent (but gameable) fey/fairy pass-times and ritual

in exchange he going to never use a reaction gif again   he is going to make a big list of all the sweet sentai monsters

Needle Dancing :

the folk have really long needle shoes (5-6 metre) and circle or folk dance in a glade.

Trespassers or rule breakers are sometimes sentenced to survive a dance in middle of the glad, risking constant impalement. The more they can predict the dance movements the less they get stabbed. "Attending" the dance in full anuls whatever grudge is held against.

Use: players need to atone for something, or they need to risk someone or rig it so they survive it.

Moon Cloaks:

a moon cloak makes the wearer look like whatever the viewer is expecting to see while also making the viewer very suggestible at the same time. 
They are made by collecting moonlight reflected in particular water sources; everything from a hoof print to a lake. Special scissors are needed and the craft is only known to a few. 
It has to be done in one night and moon cloaks vanish if exposed to daylight. If this happens then the next night everything one within a cat stroll range will have nightmares and physically experience them.

Use: as a nightmare bomb, or as escorting mission helping a folk around to the particular sequence of reflecting sources needed. An encounter; the fey in question might be forbidden to practise the craft because of traditions and offers someone bribe to the players if the keep shuttum. The bribe will prob get them in more trouble however. 
Or an apprentice nightstitcher offers to make the players a mooncloak but it goes kinda wrong the whole time and all the reflecting surfaces are acting as portals to random weird semi-planes after the moon has been cut from them.

Arnold Böcklin - Der Krieg from wiki commons

the classic. Everyone gets a horrible animal mask everyone gets a horrible horse with human features and some horrible dogs with the faces of everyone you betrayed . Then they ride around on a moonless night or the solstice or for justice and hunt down the criminal , maybe just find someone and  make up the laws afterwards?

Use: can the players get to the hunted before the hunters?
Or being hunted. Or being doing the knock out a couple of dudes in the back and take their clothes and then try and blend in.

the beaver or the ant? who the better builder? better have a competition. Better just fuck up the place with the beavers making more and more dams and the ants make more mounds and all the folk strutting around making notes. 
Or any other animal trait that can be compared to another animal. Best weaver, singer , swimmer etc. 

Use: generally gets way out of hand and will need judges or some one to step in and just stop it because the spider is trying to trap the moon and the fox death to prove who is craftest.

do you animals have laws? Well they don't but that doesn't mean the fey can't post bountys for whoever stole honey from the bees or ruined the rabbits dance.

atop beetles along a single strand of human hair
on human back along a frozen lake
on flocks of crows atop the trees
Or each knight in a different persons eye leaping from eye to eye


like the classic sword in the stone Merlin vs Morgana each battler takes a form to defeat the other.
Someone starts as a wolf , their opponent turns in a lion , so the other a thorn , to that a locust.

Often with a unspoken subrule like each form must be prettier than the last or abstract concepts always lose to specific obscure animal taxidermy

someone is chosen, someone prob having a blameless life or maybe a pompous ass ? Anyway their life is about to get a lot more interesting , as they are now the basis for a wager!
The 2 contestants work together to make them  win and lose a fortune 3 times within the time limit (a day, a week, a month , a candle).
Their temperament at the end of the game is the thing actually bet upon. So one will be aiming to have them sad and other happy. Or possibly less binary and more obscure emotions.
Depending on what kind of sport this person is they might be allowed to keep the fortune and/or be with an additional blessing or curse.

Friday, 3 June 2016


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the definition of elements changes with time .
  How or why and if theory creates the facts or facts just wander around their own is a question without any definite , or, more importantly , an interesting answer at this time.

The elemental planes exist outside of time so when one them shifts into the official canon it retroactively inserts itself so it's always been that way.

If the elementals are aware of this , their massive sense of importance will prevent them admitting it.

Anyway Elemuntals are elementals for things that are not going to see an inclusion in anyones understanding of the fundamental nature of things anytime soon. 


Jun seo Hahm

Goop is the stuff that appears on a kitchen bench in a damp flat. Goop is anything with questionable providence. It's not quite from something alive or previously alive , it's too gross to just be a product of minerals and water, you want to slime it but you really don't.

While slime is happily a lurking acid, a life that has hunger and nothing more complicated that that, a comrade of disease and corruption, goop is just.. there.

It lacks purpose, it lacks hunger , it wanders in and out of the properties of animate and inanimate .

It erodes boundaries however. It can and will split up into distinct entities and recombine them later.
Maybe into 2 goop elemuntals maybe all but one will burst into regular goop.

It's only dangerous when it touches you ,decides it is you or is part of you , tries to move past you or generally gets in the fucking way.

Its temperament is vague, confused, slightly anxious, and muddled.  Like someone deliberately being dumb to get on your nerves but also with the impression that it will burst into tears.

The effect of touching it :

1.  Confused location , as a Blink spell until they look at a map
2. 1d4 major organs and possessions switch functions, so their hat is responsible for their blood moving around they body
3.Random limb becomes independent and develops its own personality. Until it gets a name.
4. A chuck of flesh wanders off somewhere. 5 hitpoints worth. Eat it if you want that back.
5. Player of character struck now controls Goop Elemuntal. Player to their left controls their character.
Lasts until someone drops a die or knocks something over.
6.Damage done to character also comes out of their exp. Lasts until some other too-clever mechanic messes with their exp as well.
7. All worn possessions become part of body. Lasts until they part themselves so they look nude.
8. Random possession melts becomes part of Goop Elemuntal. Goop Elemuntal gets its properties
9. Goop Elemuntal gains 1d10 of your hitpoints.
10. You gain 1d10 of the Goop Elemuntals hitpoints
11. You gain its memory of the last 2 days.  People tend to remember the Goop Elemuntal in the background in memories of you from now until basically forever.
12. It disappears in them and reappears an hour later

Wednesday, 18 May 2016

Hell Knights

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And by choose I mean.. prob something quite unlike what we normally think of "choice" and more like "harrowing extremes of desperation"

Anyway knights are terrifying assholes with weapons and armour that cost more than your village (the people anyway) and exemplify the moral identity of your culture while more or less operating above it.

At their very best they keep bad things from happening to you because of their potential to do bad things back. Hopefully at worst things , or atleast far away things.

Some of the time they will  do bad things to you. This will be your fault.

At the worst  they do bad things to you because they can .  The idea of knights is still more important than you so whatever happened to you doesn't matter.

Hell Knights are worse. Somehow. Maybe it's because people can learn to accept and understand why knights are important and why they do things. Hell Knights you will never be able to.
 Yet ,somehow , their nature makes you want to accept their actions as just and reasonable even as the unsense of them snakes in you like cold rotten oil.

Maybe some created them as a "dark mirror" , to make people realise how shitty knights are.  If someone did this for this , there is only a sliver of success in it.

Maybe they are result of a concept diffusing to its furthest point.

Or just demons in mocking iconoclasticism, or devils in insidious  mummery .

Maybe they are a bit of Nothing dressing up as the world and getting it wrong.

DRYDROWNING : domain : interzones: fog , tide, twilight Punishes the unvigilant , the vulnerable, the unprepared Those that will drag others down when they drown
Wields: Isolation , Crushing thine mantle:  salted and moaning iron
WRACK: domain: broken things that spread their breaks ; dams, exhausted fields, fallen borders punishes: the neglected and the neglecting  wields: crack hammer, entropy thine mantle: choke coal

WARFLOWER: domain: shifting borders, no man's lands, contested and conquested land punishes: the victors at rest wields: fields of broken blades, weapon womb thine mantle: brittle blade hide

GRIMGUARD domain: tombs, monuments punishes : remembrance , irreverence wields: grindtongue, winds of loss thine mantle: heart chilling stone

THE HOOK: domain: promises, roads punishes: the trusting, the confident wields: your words, hooked needle and fate thread thine mantle: organ seeking horror hair

GORILLASLOUGH: domains: feasting, the leftbehind punishes:the lazy, the hungry, the desperate , the indulgent wields: wasting hands , the devouring of air thine mantle: ablative sick glazen dough

Thursday, 5 May 2016


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Mole Moles
oh no it's not a mole on your skin it's a mole it moves around and is hairier than usual but with softer hair.
They eat parasites and infections so if you have made a bunch of saving throws against them recently you prob have Mole Moles. Oh god . Some of these moles are actually spies for Jubilex. So they are mole mole moles.

Organ Snakes
As a form of organ replacements snakes are fine. Everyone knows this. However they require special care and maintenance.

Brain : Any time you take a direct approach to something you need to make a saving throw or lose a point of intelligence. If you let your snake out at night it will eat books. This means you have read the book. There is no accounting for the taste of a snake though.

Liver: any successful save vs poison heals you 1d4 hitpoints. Poison never really tastes that bad or unusual to you.

Stomach: After a big meal you can sleep for a week. Chewing food  before swallowing it will make you nauseous.

Heart: You don't ever really get that excited or frightened.

Kidneys: You piss causes plants to die.

Womb: Snake or mostly snake babies.

Lungs:  No-one hears you breathing. Whenever you specifically tell people that you are telling them the truth it sounds really suspicious


It's just meat , what does it do? it's red it's not organs or muscle how did it get here? It's an IOU a flesh elemental is borrowing your particulars they'll be back any moment.